


Fix You

by tomlin0s



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heroin, M/M, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:28:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlin0s/pseuds/tomlin0s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam helps Louis through his first two days of withdrawals before entering treatment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix You

“How many times is this today?” I sighed as I walked through the door of the flat to see Louis on the sofa, a string tied to his arm and a needle going into his vein.

As the heroin began pushing through, Louis unwrapped the string and then pulled syringe out of his arm.

“Wasn’t expecting you home this early.” He said quietly.

“School had an early release today, remember? I didn’t feel like staying back and grading papers.”

“Right.”  He sighed and rested back on the sofa.

“So how many times today?” I pushed.

“Just once, honest.” An obvious lie.

“That’s why there’s three other spoons lying around, and all those new marks?” I observed. “Not to mention the 200 pounds I found taken out of the account this morning.”

“Liam.” Louis sighed but said nothing else.

“You need help, Lou.” I sighed and sat down next to him.

“Well you heard them, Liam, I can’t get into the treatment centre with drugs in my system; it’s not going to happen.”

“Well it _has_ to happen. I can’t handle this anymore, Louis, and either can my wallet.”

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his head.

“You can’t handle it anymore either, Lou; you’re so ill. All you ever do is hideaway and get high. You’re not _you_ ; you’re not the Louis I first met.”

“Stop.” He began getting angry. “Listen, Liam. I’m _fine_ , okay? I’m sorry I spent so much today, I know we need the money right now.”

“It’s not about the money, Lou! It’s about you and about your health!”

“Well I’m not stopping, Liam, so get it out of your thick skull.”

“You’d just have to make it until Monday, Louis. It’s Friday, that means just two more days and you could be admitted.”

“I can’t make it that long, Liam.” He shook his head.

“You can, I’m going to help you.”

“Yeah? And just how do you intend to do that.” He laughed miserably. “You’ve got endless papers to grade, Liam. Just let me do this.”

“Don’t worry about my papers, Louis, those don’t matter.”

“It’s your job, Liam, don’t be stupid; of course it matters.”

“You matter a little more right now, yeah?” I pressed a kiss to his head and pulled Louis into me. “I don’t care what it takes, I’m keeping you clean this weekend. Then first thing Monday morning you’ll be admitted, how about that? We’ll be in the admissions room the second it opens.”

“I don’t want to, Li. I don’t want to stop.”

“You said you did last night.” I frowned.

“Of course I did, Liam, I was high. Whenever I’m sad and high I want to get better; but then I sober up and come to my senses.”

“You know it’s for the best, Louis; don’t you want to be better, to have things back to how they were.”

“But now that it’s actually happening, I can’t, I don’t want to.”

“You’ve got to, Louis. I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore.”

“How about we start tomorrow? I’ve got to just once more tonight, Li. I can’t just quit, I need my last time.” He begged.

“I can’t let you do that, Louis.” I shook my head.

“Well why not, what’s the difference?!”

“Because your last time, could be just that, your last time. You never know, Louis, that last time could kill you.”

“Then I’m not stopping, Li, I can’t.”

“I’m afraid you haven’t got a choice, Louis.” I told him. “I’m not going to let you do this any longer. I’m going to get you better, okay?”

“I’m scared.” He whispered into my chest.

“Don’t be scared, baby.” I kissed him. “We’re going to get you through your withdrawals and once you’re admitted you’re going to start a whole new life.”

“I just want to be high forever.” He said quietly. “Want to be happy.”

“I know, love.” I sighed and pulled him off before resting him back onto the sofa. “Why don’t you do…whatever it is you do, and I’m going to clean up in here.”

“You can’t do that.” He shook his head. “You can’t clean up. I will later.”

“I’ve got to do it, Louis.” I said firmly.

“Please, no!” He begged and tried to get up to stop me but I set him back down on the sofa.

“Let me clean this up.” I said firmly but gently. “I promise I won’t throw it away, alright?” I lied, but got it got him to give up and I grabbed all four spoons, the needles, and the rest of heroin from the table before quickly going to our en suite. I rinsed the spoons off and disposed of them and the needles before finally deciding to flush the heroin, hoping that he didn’t hear it from where he sat.

I made my way to the front of the flat to check on Louis to find him in the same spot, only this time beginning to nod out.

I sighed and sat down next to him again, watching him helplessly for the next hour as he faded in and out until one time he was motionless for a bit too long.

“Lou?” I asked worriedly when I thought he had stopped breathing. “Louis?”

His head snapped up again and he tried to open his eyes more.

“W-what is it, love?” He lolled.

“Just making sure you’re okay.” I kissed his head. “I’m going to get you some water then I want you to lay down.”

“Yeah.” He mumbled before nodding off again.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a large glass and filling it with water as I watched him carefully.

“C’mon, Lou.” I propped him back up when he sat next to me. “Drink this for me, yeah?”

He groaned but slowly drank the glass of water while leaning on me and crying softly.

“What’s wrong, lovely?” I frowned and wiped his face.

“I hate when you see me like this.” He cried. “It’s so embarrassing, you shouldn’t have to be around this; around me.”

“Hey, calm down.” I squeezed him. “I love you, okay? I’m going to get you better if it’s the last thing I do.”

“It’s so embarrassing.” He said while beginning to drift off. “ _I’m_ embarrassing, and pathetic.”

“Stop that.” I sighed. “Why don’t you get some rest, yeah? You know things are going to be rough once you wake up.”

“Kiss?” He asked and puckered his lips. I leaned in and gave him a kiss before pulling off and covering him in a blanket. “Love you.” He murmured before falling asleep quickly.

Once I was sure he was asleep, I went back into our en suite and took the bag of rubbish out to the bin so that Louis couldn’t find them. I came back in to Louis still sleeping so I spent the next five hours making dinner and grading papers until I heard the sound of things being thrown around coming from the bedroom.

“Louis, what are you doing?” I panicked and ran to him.

“Where the hell is it, Liam?!” He screamed angrily.

“Where’s _what_ , Lou?”

“The heroin, where is it?” He demanded.

“I had to get rid of it, Louis.”

“You _what_? Why would you do that, Liam? I needed it! Where is it, please just tell me!” He begged.

“Love, I’m telling you I got rid of it. I flushed it; it’s gone.”

“You lied!” He cried. “Why would you do that, Liam? I need that! Do you understand how ill I’m going to be without it?”

“I can take care of you, baby, just calm down.”

“No, I can’t calm down.” He panicked. “Liam, I need more you don’t understand.”

“I know, I know I don’t understand, Lou, but it’s going to be okay. Can you just sit down and try for some dinner?”

“I’m not hungry.” He shook his head.

“You never are.” I sighed. “You’re look sickly. Why don’t you just come out and try to relax, okay? You can try some broth while I make a few phone calls.”

“’M not eating.” He said stubbornly.

“Whatever.” I sighed. “I’m not picking a fight with you, Louis. I need you to at least sit in my sight so I can make some phone calls, yeah?”

“Whatever.” He shrugged and grabbed his mobile, following me back out to the living room.

I watched Louis carefully as I rung up my work, taking off Monday before ringing up the treatment centre for Louis.

“Dewey Residential, how may I help you?” The receptionist asked.

“Hi, yes, I’m calling about Louis Tomlinson, I believe we spoke two days ago.”

“Right, he was the one awaiting admission but was under the influence, correct? How’s that going?”

“Erm, yeah.” I sighed and fidgeted nervously. “I was curious if it was possible to get an admission date on Monday, providing I keep him clean through the weekend.”

“Liam, no!” Louis shouted angrily but I gave him a glare, making him silent immediately.

“It looks as if we will have an open bed!” She told me after a moment. “If you’d like I can book him in, but if anything gets in his system after tomorrow morning, we’ll have to reschedule again.”

“Right, I’m seeing to it that it doesn’t.” I told her.

“Wonderful, and if any of his withdrawal symptoms begin to become too severe, you must take him to A&E, though unlikely, withdrawals can be fatal.” She warned.

“Got it.” I gulped nervously. “See you Monday then, thank you.” I said and hung up urgently as I knew Louis was about to scream.

“Why would you do that, Liam?!” He asked hysterically. “Monday?! I won’t be ready by Monday, I need it again already!”

“Well you can’t have it, Louis, this needs to stop.”

“Why?!” He slammed his arms on the table and wailed. “I don’t want to get better, why are you forcing me?!”

“Why, Louis?” I began crying myself. “Because I’m bloody _terrified_ that one day I’m going to come home to my fiancé, dead from overdosing on _fucking_ heroin. Because it scares the absolute shit out of me to see you high, and half the time not even conscious. Because I want to marry you but we can’t do that until you’re better. Because I just want my Louis back, for fucks sake!”

“Well you can’t have him back, he’s gone.” He said low, and almost bitter. “This is me now, Liam. I’m just a junky, I’m sorry. I get if we have to break up, but I’m not stopping.”

“You _are_ stopping, Louis, because I’m giving you no other option.”

“You don’t understand how ill I’m going to be, Liam, or I would stop.”

“I do understand, Louis, and I’m going to be right here to help you through it.”

“Just let me do it, Li, one more time! He begged. “You can monitor it; I swear it won’t be a lot.”

“You know I’m not going to do that, Lou.”

“But Li, I’m already starting to withdraw. Just _please_ help.”

“How about this.” I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “You can put on your favourite pyjamas and we can watch movies in bed, or do anything you want to distract you.”

“Nothing’s going to distract me.” He shook his head. “This is a stupid idea, Liam.”

“We’ve got to at least try, yeah? Maybe you’ll be able to fall asleep for a while.”

“I guess I’ll try.” He gave in and dropped his head before slowly walking back to our bedroom.

When we got into bed, he curled in close to me and didn’t say anything for quite a while. I looked down at him to see him beginning to sweat, despite him being ice cold.

“I’m really proud of you, you know.” I broke the silence. “This is the longest you’ve gone in over a year.”

“Well don’t expect it to last.” He said quietly. “I’m getting more.”

“Not as long as I’m here. Honestly, Lou, don’t try anything. You know how light of a sleeper I am, I’ll wake up to anything; you won’t make it out of the house.”

“You’ve got to shower at some point.” He shrugged.

“We’ll figure it out when it comes to that point.” I sighed. “How are you feeling?”

“Not the worst.” He shrugged. “Though I’ve only been sober for nearly four hours now; it’s going to get a lot worse.”

“The worst will be over within a week.” I squeezed him.

“Right.” He sighed. “I’m going to try and sleep.”

“Night, love.” I kissed him, but he wouldn’t kiss back. I watched him fall back into the pillow and within minutes he was out.

I turned off the telly and shut off the lights before returning into bed myself and pulling him in close to me.

 

 

When I woke up it was still dark outside and Louis had gotten out of bed and was trying to put clothes on.

“Where are you going, love?” I asked sleepily.

“Just to the shop, I need some things.” He dismissed and his phone began ringing.

“Louis.” I said firmly.

“I honestly am going to the shops, Li.”

“And stopping at your dealer on the way back?” I rolled my eyes and got out of bed. “C’mon then, give me your phone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Liam.”

“Give it to me.” I ordered.

He sighed and slapped it into my hand. I turned the phone off and shoved it into a drawer next to my side of the bed.

“What were you thinking?” I frowned. “You know you can’t do this again.”

“What was I thinking?” He snapped. “I was thinking that I’m in so much _fucking_ pain and I needed it to stop. I just need everything to stop!”

“C’mere.” I pulled him into me. “How about we get you into a hot bath; that will help a lot.”

“I guess we could try.” He shook.

“Alright, come on then.”

I led him into the en suite and started up the hot water as Louis sat on the toilet seat shaking his legs rapidly.

“Make it fill up faster, Liam!”

“Why don’t you get in while it fills up, it’s almost done.” I decided and helped him to his feet. Once his clothes were off he carefully climbed into the tub and curled into a tight ball. When the tub was completely filled, I turned the shower on to let the water fall onto him and try to help him relax.

“I don’t know why I ever got into this.” He cried. “I wish I never did, Li, this _isn’t_ worth it.”

“I know, baby.” I rubbed his shoulder. “But this isn’t going to last forever and then hopefully you never go back to it.”

“I probably will.” He mumbled. “No matter how hard I try, I fuck up everything.”

“You don’t.” I said sternly. “You made one poor choice that affected your whole life, Louis. You were young at that point, you had no idea this would be the affect it had on you.”

“That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.” He sighed.

 

 

After an hour in the bath Louis decided to try and lay back in bed. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast and the first thing I heard was Louis getting sick in the en suite.

“Louis?” I rushed to the door but it was locked. “Lou, unlock this door right now.”

“No, you can’t see me like this, Liam.” He said in tears before getting sick again.

“I promised I’d be here for you, Lou, that means through everything.” I sighed. “Just let me in, please?”

It took a moment but the door unlocked and I opened the door to see Louis looking pale and drenched in sweat.

“Baby.” I frowned but couldn’t say anything else. He was about to say something before he shot back onto the floor and threw up once more.

“Make it stop, Liam.” He cried and sneezed. “It hurts so bad, make it stop, please.”

“I wish I could, love, I really wish I could.” I frowned. “What’s all wrong right now?”

“C-Cold sweats, and nausea and body aches. It hurts so badly, Liam, it’s excruciating.”

“Do you think I need to take you in somewhere?” I asked, remembering about what the nurse said on this being fatal.

“No.” He shook his head. “This is normal, they can’t do anymore than you can right now.”

“Well, just two more days, baby and then you get into treatment and they’re going to help you so much.”

“I don’t know if I can make it that long, Liam.” He began crying hysterically. “I need it now, need to shoot up.”

“You can’t do that, Lou. Just think, then you’d have to go through this all over again. Why not get it over with now and then hopefully never deal with it again?”

“Because what if I can just use a little bit to monitor and control it. It won’t-won’t take over my life again.”

“Lou, you haven’t used ‘just a little bit’ in over two years, it’s just not possible.”

“I know.” He dropped his head.

“Think you’re done getting sick for now?”

“I think so.” He said after a moment.

“Let’s get you back into bed then.” I decided. I helped him up and he brushed his teeth as well as he could before stumbling back to bed.

“Can I get you anything, lovely?” I rubbed his forehead.

“More dope.” He mumbled.

“I was thinking more along the lines of water.”

“I guess that’s fine.” He sighed.

When I came back with the water Louis was curled into a small ball on the bed, letting out quiet whimpers.

“Here, this may help.” I stood at the edge of the bed.

He sat up and took the cup, taking a few small sips before handing the cup back to me.

“You look exhausted.” He commented.

“Nothing compared to you, I’m fine.” I assured him.

“You should get some rest.”

“Not until Monday, Lou. No way I can risk you going out and getting more.”

“Liam, for fucks sake, look at me! I doubt I can make it to the front door.”

“You’d get there if your dealer was out there.”

“Fuck you.” He mumbled angrily. “Don’t sleep then, whatever.”

“I just want you safe.” I frowned.

“I’m trying, Liam.” He said sincerely. “I really am. And I’m going to pay you back, I swear. For-For all the drugs I’ve gotten since I lost my job. I know I’ve spent a _lot_ and it’s really put a stress on you.”

“It’s alright.” I kissed his head. “Don’t worry about paying me back, worry about getting better.”

“What about the money for treatment, how’s that going to affect us?”

“Don’t worry about that, either. It’s going to be rough but we’ll manage. You _need_ this, Lou. If you don’t take it now, I don’t think you’re going to make it to another opportunity.”

“I’m not that bad.” He shook his head before shooting up and getting sick in the bed. “Oh God.” He groaned. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’ll change the bed. Why don’t you get in the bath; that may help some.”

 

 

 

“I need it-I need it _so_ bad, Liam.” Louis begged as he shook. “Just a little, please?”

“I can’t let you do that, Louis. It’s been an entire day, you’re doing so well.”

“No.” He cried. “I’ve never needed it this badly before Liam, I’m going crazy. I need it _now_ , I have to go get some.”

“I’m not letting you do that.” I held him. “Listen to me, okay? It’s the first day, it’s one of the worst days. Slowly it’s going to start getting better and you’ll be in treatment and learn to live without it!”

“I doubt that, Liam.” He shook his head.  “I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to live without heroin.”

“You did before, for many years. I’m sure you were much happier during those times, as well.”

“Things are different now.” He said quietly. “I’m different.”

“We’re going to get you there, I promise.” I squeezed him. “Are you tired?”

“Pretty tired.” He nodded. “Today’s taken a lot out of me.”

“Try to rest.” I kissed his forehead and pulled the blankets over him. “I’ll be right here if you need anything, okay? Don’t forget the sick bucket on the floor.

“I love you.” He whimpered. “And I’m sorry.”

“I love you more.” I kissed him again. “G’night.”

 

It took nearly an hour and a half of Louis laying restlessly until I was confident he was asleep, so finally I let myself drift off as well.

 

 

 

When I woke again I glanced at the clock to see that it was only half two. I felt the space next to me and didn’t feel Louis. I quickly turned on the light to see that he wasn’t in the room at all. I ran into the living room to see Louis on the sofa, heating up a spoon.

“Stop, Louis, fucking _stop_!” I ran up to him and pulled the spoon out of his shaking hands.

“Liam, what the fuck!” He said angrily. I was finally _almost_ okay again; why are you doing this?”

“You can’t do this, Louis. Shit, how many grams is this? It looks like twice the amount you usually take.”

“It’s not much more than usual, nearly half a gram.”

“Fucking hell, Louis! Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“Not-not exactly. Maybe, I don’t know.”

“Okay, I’m going to clean this up. You get back to the room.”

“You can’t do that, Liam, I paid for this with my own money.”

“Yeah? Where did you get money from?”

“My savings.” He said quietly.

“Your savings?” I said angrily. “You mean the only money you’ve got left because you can’t hold a job while you’re on this shit?”

“I’m sorry.” He whimpered.

“You don’t understand, Louis.” I said desperately. “I can’t stay with you if you’re going to continue this. You’re constantly lying and stealing money. Do you realise we haven’t had time together in _years_ because you’re always high.”

“I can’t stop, Li.” He sighed. “I feel so ill, I look so ill.”

“You _are_ ill.” I frowned. “But the first few days are the hardest, Lou. If you just hold on a few more days it’s going to be so much better.”

“I can’t do that. I’ve never wanted it so badly before, it’s such an intense craving.” He cried and reached for the baggy but I quickly snatched it away.

“I’m getting rid of this, I’m sorry, Louis.”

“Liam, please no!” He begged. “Just a little, Li. Even just a fourth; I’m _begging_ you.”

“Why don’t you just lay down, sweetie.” I sighed. “I’m getting rid of this and then I’ll try to get you back to sleep.”

“Liam.” He whimpered again.

I sighed and took the spoon and baggy and went to the bathroom to flush it down.

When I returned to the living room Louis was curled into the sofa, sweating again.

“You ready to go to bed, lovely?”  I pushed the hair out of his face.

“Carry me.” He lifted his arms up and wrapped them around my neck.

I hoisted him up and kissed him, his skin felt ice cold.

“You cold, love?”

“Freezing.” He nodded. “But I can’t stop sweating.”

“I’ll get you a rag, how about that? We can try to dry you off and then I’ll rub your back, try to get you to sleep?”

“That sounds good.” He yawned as I set him on my bed.

 

 

When I finally got back to him he was curled under the covers, skin pale white with black bags under his eyes.  I wiped the sweat off his head and rubbed my hand through his hair.

“I wish I could go through this for you, love.”

“I wish I could be high.”

“That will pass, eventually.”

“It was just supposed to be a fun weekend thing; I don’t know how this happened.”

“Funny how it’s got a way of sneaking up on you like that.”

“Hold me.” He said, barely audible.

 Got under the covers with him and wrapped myself around him, resting my face in his neck.

“I missed this, y’know.” I murmured.

“Missed what?”

“This.” I sighed. “Just being able to hold you and talk with you.”

“Guess we haven’t done that in a while.”

“We haven’t done anything in a long time.”

“We went out to dinner not long ago.” He protested.

“Lou, the last time we went on a date was two years ago on our three year anniversary.”

“Oh.” He mumbled.

“We haven’t had sex in almost a month, either.”

“Haven’t even noticed, I suppose.”

“Kind of hard to notice when you’re constantly high.”

“I’m just scared.” He teared up. “I’m scared to not be high, I’ve been constantly high for…far too many years. I was numb, and now I’m feeling all these feelings and I don’t like it; I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“It’s just the first day, but things will slowly start to get easier, I promise.”

“What happens when I relapse?”

“You’re not going to, we’ll do everything we can to prevent it.”

“Look where we live, Liam. All my connections are here, it’s bound to happen.”

“Then we move.” I said simply. “It’s a shit neighbourhood, I can apply to other schools; I’m going to do anything to make you get better and stay better.”

“I don’t get why you’re still with me.” He huffed. “I’ve been such an arse, I haven’t even taken you out in _years_.”

“Because I love you.” I kissed his head. “Because I’ve known all along that this isn’t you, and that you have the potential to get better. Once you’re better we can finally get married, start a family, and be happy again like we planned.”

“I can’t wait.” He yawned. “I really do want all the good back.”

“Then that’s what you’re going to get.”

 

 

 

“Come on, Lou, you’ve got to eat.” I begged as he stay put in bed. “You’re tiny, you haven’t eaten properly in ages.”

“I don’t want to, Liam!” He screamed angrily. “Just fuck off and leave me alone.”

“Why are you being like this?” I sighed.

“Because I’m in pain, Liam. I feel like _shit_ , mentally and physically. I feel like I’m never getting out of this.”

“Well you’ve got to help yourself a little bit, love. Even though it’s difficult you need to shower and eat and you’ll feel a little better.”

“I don’t want to.” He said angrily. “I need my drugs, Liam, you don’t get it!”

“You don’t need them, Louis, just like you don’t need her.”

“Don’t do that.” He glared at me. “Don’t bring her up.”

“You can’t keep punishing yourself because of your mum, Lou.” I sighed.

“I’m not.” He said stubbornly.

 “You’ve got to talk about it eventually, Lou. I know this eats you up and it’s why you do this.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“No?” I sat on the bed. “Then you tell me why this started.”

“Just wanted a fun weekend.” He shrugged. “Quickly got hooked to it, nothing else.”

“Alright, darling, you keep telling yourself that. And until you face the truth, nothing is going to change.”

“There’s nothing to face, Liam. She doesn’t want a little faggot in the family, that’s just how it is; I’m over it.” I winced at his words.

“You know that’s not her, Louis.” I frowned. “She’d have never used those words if it wasn’t for him.”

“It _was_ her, Liam.” He snapped. “Who can blame her, though? After two divorces because of _me_ , I would want me gone too.”

“I know it’s hard for you to believe but it’s not your fault, baby. Your dad leaving had nothing to do with you, you were just a baby. Mark may have been her second husband, but he was a sick man. How he acted when you came out is disgusting.”

“If I’d have known he would have hit me and turned everyone against me, I would have never done it.” He dropped his head. “At least I’d still have my family.”

“He’s gone, you could always try to connect again?” I suggested weakly. “And if not, you’ve still got me and my family; we love you more than anything.”

“The only reason your mum still loves me is because she hasn’t seen me in years.” He mumbled coldly.

“She loves you unconditionally. She’s the one who took you in when you were kicked out at 16, remember? She may not be too happy to find out what you were doing, but she loves you, and she’d just want you healthy.”

“Can we visit her after I’m out?” He asked sadly. “I do miss her, so much.”

“I’m sure she’d love that, darling. I’ve completely run out of excuses as to why you’re never there, anyways.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I know you haven’t even been able to see her much because of me.”

“It’s alright.” I kissed him. “Things are going to be so much better once you change, just wait.”

“I just don’t think so.” He shook his head. “I can’t handle things when I’m off drugs, even the smallest of things; I know I’ll get back.”

“I know you think you can’t, but to be fair, you haven’t really tried. Once you’re clean we can get you on proper medication and in therapy and things will get a lot easier.”

“I guess all I can do is try.” He sighed. “It sounds terrifying, but it might be nice to not have to shoot up all the time. I have missed you as well.”

“Can you just try for breakfast, then?”

“I guess.” He sighed. “Not sure if I’ll be able to keep it down, but I’ll try.”

 

By the time night rolled around, Louis was at his worst. He was severely uncomfortable, sneezing a lot, and was getting sick frequently.

“I give up, Liam.” Louis cried. “I give up, I’m getting some.”

“No you’re not, Lou, just try to relax.” I rubbed his back. “You’ll be in treatment in less than twelve hours and things are going to really start turning around. They’re going to get you on Suboxone, you’re going to be alright.”

“I can’t, Li, I can’t! You’ve got to go get some for me, I’m _begging_ you.”

“Baby.” I sighed. “You know I can’t do that. I’d do anything to make you better but heroin isn’t going to help you.”

“It hurts so badly.” He sobbed. “I’m so tired, Liam. I just want to die, I can’t handle this anymore.”

“Don’t say that.” I frowned and held him tight. “You don’t mean that.”

“I _do_!” He said bitterly. “I can’t handle feeling like this anymore, Liam, I feel so heavy.”

“It’s going to go away, love.”

“No it’s not! You keep saying that but it’s _not_!”

“It’s only been two days love, of course it’s not going away yet.”

“It feels like a lifetime.”

“I bet it does, but I’m so proud of you, Lou. I’m absolutely amazed that you’ve gone this long.”

“Don’t want to go any longer, I want it so badly.” He cried before urgently grabbing the sick bucket, throwing up a bit of blood.

 “I’m getting worried, Lou.” I said honestly. “I think it’s getting to the point that I’ve got to take you to A&E.”

“No Liam, you can’t.”

“Louis, this is getting pretty serious.”

“It’s just because I haven’t eaten much of anything, Liam, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” I frowned.

“It’s just a few hours until we leave, I’ll be fine, really. I’m just really sore.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” He kissed me. “Want to spend the night with you, who knows when we’re going to be able to next.”

“Your minimal stay is 60 days.” I sighed. “Though in the first intake, they were saying it would probably be closer to 90 for you.”

“I don’t remember that.” He frowned.

“You were pretty far gone at that point, don’t know how I even got you in.”

“I just-I don’t know if I can make it that long without you, Liam. Why can’t I do 30 days?”

“Because as much faith as I have in you to get better, Louis, I honestly don’t feel 30 days will be enough.”

“But this will be 60, if not 90 days without you.”

“I’ll visit as much as I can, alright. And the nights that I can’t visit, we’ll talk on the phone.”

“It’s not the same.” He sighed.

 

 

“Don’t make me do this, Liam, _please_!”  Louis begged hysterically as I forced him through the entrance and to the admissions room.

“This is what we’ve worked towards all weekend, Louis, it’s now or never.”

“I choose never!” He yelled, making everybody stare. “Please, Liam! Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I love you, Louis.” I said quietly. “Which is why I’m making you do this.”

“You don’t love me.” He tried to kick himself out of my grasp. “If you loved me you wouldn’t make me do this, wouldn’t make me spend the next two or three months in rehab!”

“I know you’re angry right now, and probably really scared, but I need you to trust me when I say that this is for the best. It’s going to help you more than you can imagine, if you let it.”

“I can’t believe you can just leave me like this.” He said angrily. “You’re totally fine with me being gone for months!”

“What’s the difference, Louis?” I said bitterly. “When you’re at home and on drugs, you’re not really with me. At least when you’re in here, I know you’re getting healthy and will be coming home safe. I _hate_ that I’m not going to be able to be with you every day, Lou, but if it means that you’re going to be getting better, then that’s a sacrifice I’m going to make.”

 “There’s no way I can change your mind?” He asked as we were buzzed into the admissions room.

“Absolutely no way.” I shook my head and led him in.

He sat jittery through the admissions process as I ended up doing most of the talking for him.

When the paper work and questioning were over he held onto me tight as we were led onto his unit and shown around before we went into his room.

“Don’t leave.” He wrapped his arms around me. “I can’t-can’t do this without you.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” I kissed the top of his head.

“I’m going to miss you too much.” He protested and held me tighter.

“It’s going to be alright.” I sighed and rubbed his back. “It really doesn’t look so bad here, I’m sure you’re going to make some new mates and forget all about me while you’re in here.”

“Never.” He mumbled into my shirt.

“Well that’s good, then.” I smiled. “I want you to do your best in here, okay? I know you feel like shit, and you’re not quite sure where you’re at with wanting to recover, but give it a go, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best, I promise, Liam. And when I come out, I’m going to make you so proud.”


End file.
